Saturday, 28 August 2010

Achilles Tendonitis

Hi all 

Couple of weeks ago I decided I had enough of being a 'couch potato'. To make myself feel and look good I joined a gym with my friend. Ordinary gym is not for me - I am getting bored way to quickly! So we started attending workout classes. Just after first one I knew that this is it! I was surprised how much I loved sweating, achy muscles and this amazing, happy feeling after the workout. I stopped thinking about all beloved soaps that I was missing and instead I started to think and talk about getting fit (mostly to my poor fiancé ;)).
I was working out 3 times a week and I wanted to do more and more and I even got myself a good sports bra. All was great...until last Monday that is, when I injured myself. I went to check out this class - Les Mills 'Body Attack'. It was very hard but enjoyable! Unfortunately because of lack of fitness knowledge I was wearing the wrong shoes which did not support my feet at all. I know, most of you will think - 'What an idiot!' but I really did not think/know that I will need a good pair of shoes to protect my muscles and tendons... And to make things even worse I thought it's just muscle ache and next day I went to 'Body Combat' class and a run afterwards...well it was mostly walk as my ankles were soo painful. I didn't think much about it and I was planning which class I will attend next day.
Next day...When I woke up I literally could not walk - every step was soo painful! I went to work. The pain was getting worse and my feet ... well there were no ankles anymore - I had big, puffy cankles! My friend dropped me to the Walking Centre to have it checked and the nurse told me that I have an 'Achilles Tendonitis' a little tear in my tendons which is causing an inflammation of the Achilles tendon - 'an overuse injury - too much exercise too soon with wrong footwear and weak muscles that can last up to two weeks' I heard... I was told to use painkillers + anti-inflammatory gel or tablets and give my feet a rest. 
Bank holiday - long weekend and I am sitting at home. I injured myself on Monday and although it's Saturday - I am still in pain. But I have to say that it is less painful now. I am hoping I will be able to go out to see my girlies tomorrow and hopefully go back to the gym on Thursday...
And who said that working out is good for you? :)

Tuesday, 10 August 2010

'What you think about yourself is much more important than what others think of you.' - Marcus Annaeus Seneca

Hi all
Like most of the girls I am very aware that I am no supermodel. My body is far from perfect like the super toned and tanned ladies from magazine pages and TV channels. My hair will never be as thick and shiny, my skin will never be poreless and I will have wrinkles. My teeth...dear oh dear...Ah and let's not forget about boobies - Bigger pair please!... and if that is not enough, I am a shortie... At 5ft1 you can see every extra pound on me... 
This is what I always think about. Over and over again, there were always those horrible, poisonous, nasty thoughts which made me think bad things about the way I look, about the person I am. Nothing was ever good or pretty enough... I was so anxious about what other people may think or say about me that eventually apart from going to work and back I did not leave the house for months. I lost few so called friends as I never got the courage to go out and meet up with them. I did not even go and say goodbye to my best friend the night before she was going back home to Brazil. I nearly lost my dearest person too as I was so jealous about any girl that would speak to him... I was in a dark place where I would cry and pity myself...Getting very impatient, angry and even a little aggressive. Did I think about closing my eyes forever? ... Yes. Many times, and I will never forgive myself that I could think that even for one second... Finally, with help from my boyfriend I realised that it is the time to ask for help. I was diagnosed with depression. I was taking Fluoxetine (Prozac) and after few months with help of my loving and patient boyfriend and friends I felt better. It was a hard battle, which I won but the war is still on. I stopped taking the pills. I'm clean for over 2 years now but I still have days when I am very low and those devilish thoughts are chasing me again. Recently it got bit worse and I went to see my doctor again. I do not want any more pills, they do not help, they mask the problem not solving it... I received some 'positive thinking' exercises and I am hoping that soon my self esteem will go back to where it should be and I will be finally happy with myself. 
I have great bunch of girlfriends and we meet up often. Last Saturday I nearly did not go out as I suddenly switched my thoughts and started to cry... I was soo low... But my girls did not let THEM to get the better of me. We went out and as soon as I heard the music my little heart was happy again...
Today is a big day for me. Yesterday I finally decided (with my friend's help - thanks Amy :)) to start doing something about my appearance as I know this is what is dragging me down. Every look in the mirror brings back THOSE thoughts... In about an hour I will sweat with my friend doing Body Combat class. I am scared and very anxious as I know there will be girls that look amazing... But hey, it is a start. I need to overcome what is stopping me from being happy. Hopefully I will sign up for few more classes so I will be sweating at least 3 times a week. Will keep you updated. Dream beach body and happiness - here I come! 
Wish me luck! 

Ps. If you were/are fighting your demons please let me know. Maybe together we can help each other? Sometimes even telling someone about your problem can be enough to ease the pain. Get it off your chest and share with others. It is hard, I know, but it will make you feel better...

A little update - I just came back from the Body Combat and I am soo proud of myself! I have completed an hour of sweating, feeling faint and being nearly sick. And you know what? I absolutely loved it! :D Happy me!

'All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become' - Buddha

Hi all.

My name is Monika and I want to take you for a little stroll through my thoughts... I would like to share with you ME.

I am just a normal girl...just like you. I am a make up addict, fashion looser and I am a bit of an ice cream monster. I am fascinating by Asian culture. I want to have a tattoo but I believe it have to be done by a monk in the temple to give it a true meaning and power. I love food! (sometimes a little bit too much :)) I adore watching movies snuggled to my fiance. Paragliding would be my passion if I would have enough money (done it once and fall in love with it!). When I was a little girl I wanted to be a figure skater or a pathologist. I would love to be lucky enough to win a lottery, have my own 4 walls that I can call home and be allowed to have a pet - an English Bulldog to be precise :) and a fluffy cat for my better half...etc.

Hope you will enjoy the ride :)